The Better Man and The Lesser Man

Recently I've been playing with this idea I call “The better man” and “The lesser man”.

The topic of personal codes and ideals has been simmering in the back of my mind. Equipped with a personal code, I could better navigate the ocean of choices I encounter on a daily basis. So to start the process of building my own personal code, I wrote down every helpful ideal that came to mind. But I quickly I encountered a challenge, before I knew it I had an encumbering list of options. What started as a few bullet points was now measured in pages.

This posed a bit of a hiccup. With such a massive list, how am I supposed to remember them all? If I can’t remember these ideals, I would have no chance of applying them when the critical moment presented itself.

But as luck would have it, I stumbled across a very actionable and memorable way to combine the heart and soul of these ideals into one simple phrase.

As my alarm jolted me into consciousness one weekday morning. I really didn’t want to get out of bed.

First, because my youngest was not sleeping well. And as any parent out there knows, when your little one’s don’t sleep well, that means you don’t either. And second, I’ve been battling with some simmering seasonal depression this cold Wisconsin winter.

So as I lay in my warm bed, thinking about the massive list of tasks that lay before me. The idea of getting out of bed seemed like it was going to cost ten units of effort when it typically only took three. But then I heard one of my children come out of his room to eat breakfast. And an idea floated to the surface of my mind.

“What would the better man do right now?”

The answer was clear. “He would get out of bed, and give his children and wife warmth and love.” So I spent those ten units of energy, ripped myself out of bed and did the actions of this imaginary better man.

Over the following days, I was noticing more opportunities for the better man question.

When I was doing chores.

“What would the better man do right now? … He does heroic things like taking out the trash when it’s cold out.” So I heroically took out the trash.

When I was with my family.

“What would the better man do right now? He would be present with his loved ones.” So I took a head clearing breath, and connected with my family.

When I was deciding what to eat.

“What would the better man do right now? Eating properly is a responsibility, so he would make a healthy meal.” So I made a well rounded meal a grandma would be proud of.

It was as if there was this imaginary fork in the road, and I had two options. One path was that of the “better man”, the other was that of the “lesser man”.

That path of the better man is hard but rewarding. The better man cares about strength of character, taking action, and genuinely connecting with others. The better man strives to do the right thing even when no one is watching. The better man understands you can’t be perfect, but you can be better. To put it simply, the better man is continually working to be better. A better husband, father, friend, and anything else he is committed to.

On the other hand, the lesser man is the opposite of the better man. The lesser man is greedy, self absorbed, and lazy. The lesser man cares only about himself and his feelings. He is weak of character, judgmental, and full of criticism. The lesser man exists without truly living.

After a few days, I noticed this better man question was helping me actually become a better man. If we are the sum of our actions, then every-time we make the the better decision, we actually become (incrementally) a better man.

So far the better man mantra has really been working for me. It’s easy to remember and apply. It forces you to step back and think about your actions. Also, it makes you acknowledge the brutal truth when you are not being the man you could be. Because deep down, we all know what the better man would do, and he is just on the other side of a single better action.